Samostalan News

  • Early Citizen Minister

    The topic will be used for Cakavian News.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    By Rebecca Adneovic, August 30th, 2019

    The nation is in crisis as loyalist protests against the Public Culture Bill have turned into violent riots. Last night on August 30th, 2019, Danail Bathory-Orban broke into the home of MP Milan Ljuba and stabbed him and his 8-year-old son, Marko, to death. Bathory was a registered member of the Loyalist Party and frequently attended rallies organized by the party. The motive of the killing has been officially labeled as politically motivated as no valuables were taken from the home. Ljuba was an MP for Otocac and one the most vocal supporters of the Public Culture Bill, the Conservative Party of which Ljuba was a member released a statement saying:

    "We are saddened by the murder of Milan Ljuba and are thoughts and most sincere prayers are with his family and friends. This barbaric acts by Mr. Bathory-Orban shows not only that hate and terrorism have no place in Cakavian society but that it is of upmost importance that Samostalan adopts a sensible immigration policy. Mr. Bathory-Orban, like most of the supporters of the loyalist party was a Hungarian who was found to have come to Samostalan illegally. Terrorism is a threat that most be tackled together, not alone."

    After releasing the statement, Petr Capcevic, leader of the Conservative Party has been accused of racism due to said statement calling for "sensible immigration" which many think will be an excuse to further deport Hungarians from the Senj region. Cakavian celebrities have been taking to Twitter and other social medias to give their two cents on the situation. David Slivovitz wrote on Twitter:

    "Sensible immigration is what 100% we need, if Bathory hadn't been in samostalan in the first place he wouldnt have killed Ljuba.! #NOToMassMigration"

    Actress and pro-choice activist Marina Musulin tweeted:

    "Nobody is saying that what Bathory did is Ok in any way, what we are saying that you cannot combat terrorism with calls to terrorism!!! its about time Capcevic's blight on politics end and i challenge the Princ to speak out against Capcevic's racism... But of course he wont since Capcevic is in the Princ's little coalition of crooks 😠 😠 😠 🤬 🤬 🤬 #RESISTRACISM #CapcevicResign #CROOKCOALITION"

    All four of these hashtags have been trending in Samostalan. These protests and riots have been happening at a particularly bad time as in two days Princ Istvan will be visiting Stigeae do discuss increased co-operation between the nations of the Imperium. Many people are worried these events will make Samostalan look like an unlawful and unstable nation during the summit. The Princ has released a statement saying:

    "The actions that Mr. Bathory-Orban committed yesterday are those of domestic terrorism. I will be praying for Ljuba's family and friends and those who feel unsafe to support a political party due to violence against members of that party. I find it to be utterly disgusting and sad that there are Cakavians who not only refuse to, but also praise the actions of Bathory-Orban. [...] A memorial for Ljuba will be held tomorrow August 31st from 8:00 AM to 6:00 P.M at Rijeka Square.”

    Many people, like Musulin, feel that the Princ's statement is not enough and that he should've condemned Capcevic. The most accurate polls after the indecent confirm that the Conservative party has dropped in popularity and the Socialist Party, before a fringe party of the far-left has surged in popularity and is now the third biggest party in Samostalan with 21% of people saying they'd vote for them in the next elections.

    The Bill causing these protests is the Public Culture Bill, co-authored by Capcevic and Prime Minister Janez Tito, would remove many of the protections of the Hungarian culture and language. It would remain a national language, but would do longer have to be taught in schools, put on street signs, and businesses would have to have signs in Croatian before Hungarian. It would also remove German as a national language, something seen as disloyal to the Imperium, whose official language is German. The bill would also remove many anti-discrimination laws protecting Hungarians, Muslims, and Protestants that previously prevented them from being denied things like service at a restaurant, to even healthcare.

    The bill would also:

    • Ban Protestant and Muslim Religious Schools

    • Ban Muslims and Protestants from working in government jobs, such as schoolteachers and public healthcare professionals

    • Prisons would no longer have to accommodate dietary restrictions based on religion

    • Limit the number of people that a Mosque can hold to 100

    The Princ has reportedly been suggested by President Tito to declare martial law to keep the nation under control during the summit. Problems are certainly brewing in Samostalan, but how they will manifest next only God knows.

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • Early Citizen Minister

    OOC: feel free to post a response IC, just don't make it long so it doesn't take up a lot of space.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    By Rebecca Adneovic, August 31st, 2019

    Martial law has been declared as President Tito has been shot dead while delivering a speech. He was rushed to hospital where he died 3 hours later. The bullet went though his skull. The shooter, Adrian Von Eggendorf, also killed 4 other people, and injured 12. Von Eggendorf was an MP for the Socialist Party, although in the last election he only received 3 votes. Von Eggendorf came to the memorial wearing a bulletproof vest under a shirt that read "RESIST". On his gun, an AK-47 which he had bought illegally, there were many names written on it including Slobodan Adamovic, the leader the Socialist Party, Marina Musulin and Karl Marx, among others. Upon entering Rijeka Square he reportedly shouted "Adamovic is my General! Down with the Monarchy and capitalist state!"

    Among those who died were Zlata Zelemiri, CEO of CreativityAdvertise and Kresimir Babonic, MP of the Centre Party for Gospic. As usual, celebrities with no political experience found it necessary to share their opinions. David Slivovitz, whose real name is Casimir Obrenovic, made an Instagram post that reads:

    "TOLD YOU SOOOOO, we NEED sensible immigration now or else more germans and hungarians will come here and DO THIS TYPE of SHIT!!!! MAYBE I SHOULD RUN IN THE NEXT ELECTION???? 🤬 🤬 🤬 😛 if i were president id STICK it the the Imperium what have they done for us???!!!"

    While it is unclear if Slivovitz is serious polling shows that 3% of Rijekans would vote for him if that would be the case. Back in the 2012 election he teased a presidential run and launched an exploratory committee but never ended up running. At that time his platform included "sensible immigration reform" and further deregulation of the economy.

    Marina Musulin tweeted:

    "about FING time tito's reign of terror is over!! stay safe during martial law guys, luv ya 😘 😘 😘 #BYEBYETITO"

    Princ Istvan has declared martial law citing the numerous riots rocking the nation. A curfew from 8:00 A.M to 10:30 P.M has been put in place in urban areas. In a speech this morning the Princ said:

    "If the Socialists and Loyalists cannot stop supporting terrorism, and I know they will say that they do not support terrorism, but they clearly do, then martial laws is the only option it seems."

    Under martial law you:

    • Won't be able to leave your city or village without permission

    • Wont be able to purchase firearms

    • Wont be able to attend school if you live in a constituency whose leader is from the Loyalist or Socialist parties

    • Wont be able to purchase a house, car or receive more than 1000 kunas in less than a week

    That's it for today in news, everyone make sure to stay safe during martial law, and respect the curfew.

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    By Rebecca Adneovic, September 1st, 2019

    This morning Pete Capcevic, leader of the Conservative Party was viewed this puking up blood this morning. His neighbours called the police but by the time paramedics arrived Capcevic had died. The death was caused by poison. A police raid on his home found massive amounts of child pornography on his personal computer along with many email conversations with Slivovitz, Musulin, the Princ and Bathory.

    A list of the most important and troubling emails:

    Musulin: thanks for all u have done. ur like a mentor for me and a second dad. that’s why i feel bad for asking for the money but my silence comes with a price.

    Capcevic: i need more time Marina ffs. in a conspiracy of this scope your money is low in my priority list

    Marina: you have another week, don’t fuck up again

    Capcevic: I’ll try lol. god bless you thank you bla bla bla

    Marina: funny you say that, if there is a god (which there isn’t) you’re going straight to hell kiddie-diddler. bye


    Capcevic: Marinas acting up again. Control her god damn it

    Slivovitz: I’m her lover, what do you mean ‘control her’ lmao

    Capcevic: idfk you don’t a have a great track record with respect for women

    Slivovitz: you can’t afford to insult me 😂. You owe like all of Samostalan’s elites money since ur lil slip up. All bark no bite little bitch

    Capcevic: Right well I’m also your only ticket to the presidency so I’d watch my mouth. Also about ‘my lil slip up’ you’ve had plenty of those too, they just aren’t public. Yet.

    Slivovitz: calm down Petr, no need for being passive-aggressive. To be fair you told me they were 18

    Capcevic: yeah well I lied. You should’ve known, at least that’s what the media would/will say.

    Slivovitz: Would. It’s what they would say cause they won’t know

    Capcevic: for know it’s would. Soon it might be will. 🙃🙃🙃


    Istvan: I’ll have you exposed in a SECOND if I want

    Capcevic: then do it 😉😉😉. I’ll just kill myself and the media won’t know lol it's not like I've got anything to lose

    Istvan: well if I do the media will crucify but I don’t theyll crucify me more. I’m at a crossroad and I’m fucking confused

    Capcevic: stay quiet or else

    Istvan: ugh bye, I don’t want to continue this conversation

    Capcevic: k byeeeeeeee


    Bathory: how much am I getting paid for this

    Capcevic: selfish Bathory, you get paid by getting your daughter back haha

    Bathory: ya sick fuck

    Capcevic: it’s called politics hun, bye


    In response, Musulin has deleted her social medias and has yet to comment and Slivovitz has responded on Twitter by saying:

    ”All this email bs w Capcevic is just that, bs. He made up dirt and blackmail on me so I couldn’t report him. We have a huge problem with fake news in the country elect me as President and I’ll imprison those ‘journalists’ who profit on fake news. I will truly work for common people.”

    The Princ has also made an official statement that reads:

    “These emails indicate that when you family is threatened, as mine was during this time, you will lie to save your own behind and those of your family members. [...] I understand you may feel lied to, hurt or like I don’t value you, and I apologize. What I haven’t told you is that I have my own mental health issues, I haven’t been getting sleep because I’ve been working for so long at a time. Just give me another chance. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to not worry about the stability of the nation that you love. I have failed you and I am so sorry. You all deserve better, so please for the love of God, go get it. Go out and do what you’ve always dreamed of, don’t worry about the politics of our country. I’m trying so you don't have to. ”

    As the emails indicate, Bathory’s 14 year old daughter Melinda has gone missing. Her mother Zvitomira told our journalist:

    ”I had no idea about any of this. I’m scared but I’m mostly disappointed. I’m dissapointed in our nation that we’ve managed to enter such a dark age in our history. I’m in pain in every sense of the word. I miss my husband, I think. I miss my daughter. I miss the old Samostalan. People, please go spend time with your family, and be grateful that you have them, cherish them. You never know when you might lose them.

    Many people seem to share the same sentiment as Zvitomira. Radicalism all throughout Samostalan is on the rise with 35% of the population saying they are either far-left or far-right compared to 7% last year. The Public Culture Bill has been shot down and the Princ has described it as “the work of Satan, what brought us this mess.” All of this is happening as Victor Rosen-Zengg, ambassador to the Majesties is travelling to Stigae for the I.D.C summit. Rosen-Zengg has said he “will be absolutely discussing the political climate of Samostalan” with the other nations present at the summit.

    In a refreshing act of bipartisanship, Maria Horvat of the Socialist Party and Franjo Juric of the Centre Party have created a proposal to add an amendment to the Cakavian constitution that would ban any institution, government or private, from discriminating against anyone based on race or religion (or lack thereof) the proposal must be voted on in parliament where if approved it will be given to the President and Princ for approval. The Princ has already stated he will “absolutely 100% definitely” approve the proposal.

    That’s it for now. God help us. It seems that we’re on the verge of civil war.

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • Early Citizen

    His Majesty has condemned the recent violence in Samostalan that has lead to the murder of its President.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    By Rebecca Adneovic, September 6th, 2019

    This morning, Bathory’s daughter was found alive and unharmed in an abandoned barn. She was tied up hidden behind a haystack. The barn belonged to Marina Musulin who was arrested at Rijeka airport last night for kidnapping the young girl. While being arrested, she insisted that she had no part in kidnapping the girl, but was framed by either Slivovitz or Capcevic. The emails sent between Capcevic and Musulin, however, indicate that Musulin, Slivovitz and others were involved in the kidnapping and assasination of President Tito.

    While her home was being searched by police a trapdoor was found in the basement. The trapdoor led to a dark room with photography equipment. Hairs not belonging to Musulin were found on the ground, indicating that many others, possibly young girls, had been on the room. Musulin had denied the room as being anything other than a normal photography room, but most find that story difficult to believe, of course.

    In the Conservative Party, David Slivovitz was elected to be the leader with 33% of the vote. He was running against Daniel Horvat, an elitist, eshtablishment candidate. His other opponents were Maria Golubj and Ana Zelemiri.

    Many members of the Conservative Party are outraged with Horvat taking to Twitter to say:

    ”Slivovitz has NO experience in politics. He is a horrid racist and misogynist who will abuse his power only to enrich himself! Mark my words... I urge everyone to vote DLP in 2020, as I will be!”

    However, many of the more radical wing of the party who are satisfied with Slivovitz with 45% of Conservative
    Party members saying they support Slivovitz and 70% saying they’d give him a chance. That other 30% however, is very against Slivovitz, will the party split?

    Slivovitz has wasted no time in presenting himself as a radical, withdrawing his party from the Centre Coaltion and promising to “institute Samexit” if elected. He has also said he’d dissolve the monarchy, Princ Istvan has responded to this by saying on Twitter:

    “If anyone, anyone, appears to take away my rightful power, they will be met with military force. Anyone so stupid will face fire and fury like the Imperium has NEVER seen. I’d frankly like to see someone try.”

    In response, Slivovitz said “we shall see who has the military on their side. Oh, and be careful what you wish for.”

    The nation is truly on the brink of civil war. God help us. When we need a strong President the most, it seems like the Princ is taking his damn time in appointing one!

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • @Benito id like some slivovitz Slavic brother. (OOC)

  • Early Citizen Minister

    @wynny no slivovitz for you

  • @Benito beer? whiskey? wine? wait, RAKIJA!

  • Early Citizen Minister

    Rakija might be in order 😉

  • Early Citizen Minister


    by Rebecca Adneovic, September 7th

    During the I.D.C summit last week, the Volsenian ambassador Mariele Hoffman responded to the suggestions of Victor Rosen-Zengg, by saying

    ”Currently, the proposal is only aimed at helping the Cakavian “leadership” defeat the freedom fighters and Imperial loyalists fighting against an oppressive and discriminatory government. While we condemn the murders of president Tito and Mr. Ljuba, we have no sympathy for a government which attempts to remove rights and protections for minorities and enable discrimination.”

    These comment have enraged Cakavians from all parties and protests have erupted in Rijeka Square urging the government to take action against Volsenia, Princ Istvan said he “soon will”.

    While protests are erupting left and right at the moment in Samostalan, these protests will at the very least bring unity to the right and left of Samostalan.

    In other news, Vice President Bartolomej Savić has been sworn in this morning at the Villach-Draca Royal Palace, the residence of the Princ. This has been the longest Samostalan has been without a President in history, 7 days, and the time one was needed most. As well as being the longest time without a president in history Savić was sworn in in the Royal Palace which is unheard of all other Presidents have been sworn in at 9, Rijeka Square St., the residence of the President.

    In a statement by President Savić he said:

    “The main focus of my time as your president will be ensuring stability so the 2020 elections may be held during peacetime. I will not be running in 2020 of the Centre Party must be represented by a fresh face to rejuvenate the support base of the party. Perhaps a woman might be the one to bring the nation together after my time is done. No matter what, we must ensure that are people do not continue to slip into the grasp of radicalism.”

    In my opinion, Hoffman’s comment were a good thing, bringing unity to the nation is of utmost importance right now during these times of trouble. This is the worst state the nation has been in since the Dark Ages.

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    by Rebecca Adneovic, September 10th

    Since the situation of our country can appearantly only get worse, David Slivovitz has traveled to Zadar with his army of 25’000 men and declared The Independent Republic of Lower Dalmatia. The fledgling ‘nation’ has defeated Zadar’s local militia and has the support of many of Zadar’s residents traitors who have taken up arms as well.

    If this news wasn’t bad enough, the Orthodox and Catholic Churches are at war! This morning St. Sava’s Army, an Orthodox Millitia funded by the Church burned down the St. Nicolas Church in Rijeka. They killed the priest then lit the church on fire, killing 24 people. The Catholic Church of Samostalan by ordered St. Nicolas’s Men, the army of the church to burn and pillage Orthodox Churches in Zadar in Rijeka, so far there have been at least 200 dead with many more to come. The infighting has not only caused turmoil in the Chiristian Churches but in Islam as well! The Shi’a Muslim Party, a member of the Catholic Coalition and the Samostalan-Islamic Council of Relations, a mostly Sunni and Ibadi party are at odds. Shi’a Muslims have vandalized 5 mosques in the Goranski Province with 34 confirmed deaths from the attacks.

    On the incidents Princ Istvan said in an interview with Good Morning, Cakavians!:

    ”Well, I was expecting this to happen eventually, you know? Haha, I guess I just wasn’t expecting it like this. Well I mean, I will fulfill my promise of fire and fury. When I catch Slivovitz he’s going straight to Goli Otok. This is frankly treason and I’m very dissapointed in the residents of Zadar as well. But if they wish to be rebels they will be treated as such.”

    While most people agree with the Princ, a few a skeptical, a user on Twitter pointed out:

    ”Goli Otok is where we keep terrorists, the worst of the worst. Slivovitz just wants his voice heard, he may not be going about it the right way, It’d be cruel to put him in Goli Otok. The Princ seems to think he’s a dictator but he’s not! He cannot keep threatening Cakavians! #JusticeForSlivovotz 😠 😠 😠

    The Government is mobilizing and preparing for war. May anything help us through this turmoil? It’s like we’re being punished by God! Stay safe everyone, and remember to stock up on food and water in case anything escalates.

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    by Rebecca Adneovic, September 10th

    Just as I thought my fucking work day was over, Adamović decides to join the scum of the day club alongside Slivovitz! Oh goody!

    Adamović and 50’000 other tree hugging, socialist, degenerate hippies declared the Socialist Republic of Samostalan in Ogulin, my city! In fact, if I look outside right now I can see his supporters pillaging my city!

    Anyways, aside from that situation, there have been more attacks on Mosques and Churches. Orthodox and Catholic militias are attacking eachother! At least 1000 casualties now including Mosques. I swear on my life, Jesus is looking down on these “Chiristians” and weeping. Real Christians down kill and pillage. In fact, later today I’ll be able to ask Jesus exactly what he thinks! Unfortunately I won’t be around to write articles though.

    So, that’s it for today, if there’s another big story day I won’t be around to write it. Everyone, stay safe.

    Read more of the Samostalan Gazette here: Samostalan Gazette

    The Samostalan Gazette, because news matters.

  • Early Citizen Minister


    Admin Added Content Warning: Descriptions of suicide.

    by Ernesto Fera, September 11th

    This morning journalist and columnist Rebecca Adneovic was found dead in her apartment. She hung herself in her bathroom. Many readers of the Samostalan Gazette called the police after her latest article led many to believe she was planning suicide. She made many comments says she “won’t be around” to write anymore and a reference to being able to talk to Jesus.

    During the police raid on her home, which was located in an area raided by Adamović, they found her body hanging from a noose in her bathroom. She left a note on the counter in which she detailed losing faith in the country and believing that Samostalan was being punished by God, a belief shared by many. Another reason she cited was that she recently had a miscarriage for the second time, and felt like she was being overwhelmed and overworked by the Samostalan Gazette.

    The Princ has released a statement:

    “The suicide of Adneovic shows how these times of trouble have affected everyone. I struggle to understand how men like Adamović can raid and pillage the lands that he once served. The rebels are animals and will be put down. People have no reason to worry, the military will keep Cakavians safe. I am officially declaring war on the Socialist Republic, Lower Dalmatia, the Loyalist State and the Catholic Confederation. It is my hope they will be swiftly dealt with.”

    Today, St. Nicolas’s Men, a Catholic millita have declared the Independent Catholoc Confederation of Samostalan in Sibenik. They are raiding homes and churches of the few Orthodox that call Sibenik home. A majority of the residents are supportive of the rebel movement, they feel that the mostly Orthodox government is too out of touch to properly government the many Catholoc cotezins of Samostalan. However, St. Nicolas’s men have already started a mass murder of epic proportions, burning people at the stake, drowning people in boiling water and many other techniques thought to have been abandoned during the Dark Ages. The group is forcibly converting many Orthodox and Sunni Muslims in the area, while they have made alliances with Shi’a militias in the area who have been raiding Sunni Mosques with similar techniques used by the Catholics.

    So far, many Catholics have spoken out against the murders being committed on Sibenik. Bishop Babić of Rijeka has called the raiding that has taken place “disgusting, completely against the teachings of the Lord,” and even Pope Francis has commented:

    “I am praying for the our Orthodox and Muslim brothers and sisters being killed by false Christians.”

    The government has enforced a curfew in all areas of the country currently affected by the raiding.

    This story is currently breaking and will be updated as soon as possible.

  • Royal Family

    Bohemian Parliament deadlocked and protestors out in the streets as a result of the news of the Samostalan civil war.

    The King and the government promise intervention in the form of a detachment of His Majasties Royal Guard supported by Engineers of the Royal Sappers Corps and the Royal Armoured Regiment. The aim of the deployment, according to the government, is to bring the conflict to a swift end and protect Bohemian interests in the area. However it is widely believed that the troops will be used to support Prince Istvan and his claim to the throne in exchange for concessions that are currently vague and uncertain.

    The emergency deployment barely passed through Parliament by a margin of two votes and any further assistance the government has tried to push through has been blocked by the opposition. Many have taken to the streets of Prague to protest the deployment while others cheered the soldiers as they passed through the southern cities of the nation.

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